I feel like I've been Spring Cleaning for ages now - and I mean cleaning EVERYTHING - but I can't seem to get that sparkling shine I want. There is so much still to do, even though my life has almost been planned out for the next four years. But before we go into the abyss that is my life and college and everything having to do with it, I'll give a brief (as brief as I can make it) recap of this past weekend.Friday, I cleaned my room. I glanced at the computer to change the song on my iTunes playlist. An e-mail popped up. I cried of joy and basked in the glow of my Stanford acceptance e-mail. I went crazy and went to TJ Maxx with Cameron and Christina to celebrate my room being organized and my life being amazing. I then came home and got ready for Brian's kickback. I won't go into detail here, but I was extremely happy with that night. It was the ideal "spring break" Friday, and I fell asleep on a couch and woke up to a beautiful view of the Palos Verdes coastline.
Saturday, I woke up from a surprisingly good nights sleep and left Brian's. I gawked the view from P.V. Drive West and felt a major "pang of leaving." I got home, took a refreshing shower, and headed out the door for an adventurous and classy afternoon with my best lady friends. Yes, we shmoozed around San Pedro in dresses and skirts and other overtly girly things. Yes, we went to an old, cute "Corner Store." And Yes, we had a classy picnic lunch overlooking the sparkling ocean. I then went home, basked again in the glow of my acceptances, but had an anxious pain in my gut (the first of many): What am I going to do? Bruin or Cardinal? Cardinal or Bruin? I called up Mark and we made plans to see my lovely Tamer in his play in West Hollywood -- HARAM IRAN. We stopped by Urban Outfitters on our way to "WeHo," and talked on the way about college and life. We found parking and ate a delicious meal at a random Cafe that I must go back to. Kobe Sliders and Lobster-Shikate Mushroom Mac and Cheese. It was delicious. We saw Tamer's show, which was brilliant and extremely uplifting (hah. sarcasm) and then drove home. That talk on the drive home was probably one of the best friendship moments I've had with Mark. He's helped me a lot, but in this long talk, I realized how valuable my friendship is with him. Sucks we'll be thousands of miles apart in a few short months.
Sunday, I woke up late and had lunch with Benno. It was so great to catch-up with him, and so surprisingly easy. Talking to him about Stanford made that feeling in my gut come back - the "what am I going to do..."- the fear of the wrong decision, but the knowledge that no matter what I do, I'll have the time of my life. The worst best feeling I've ever had... I then went home and napped and had dinner with Andrew, who I hadn't seen since my birthday party in August. We talked about life, Interlochen, everything that's happened with my auditions and schools. Craziness. I then went home and scoured the Stanford website for hours on end while video chatting with Molly while she was in New York touring colleges. I can't believe it was only a year ago that I was in her position... it feels like decades have past, but at the same time, my life has flown by... I can't believe it.
Today, I again woke up late and went to the beach with my sister. There we saw Brian, Austen, and Maddie Lawrence, which was fun. We relaxed under the sun for a while (I have the slight tan and slight sunburn to prove it) and then went to Chipotle and Yogurtland for some good healthy eating... lies. I got home, ate quickly, and suddenly felt so tired and over-stressed that I sat in a daze for a couple of hours. I filled out a housing form for UCLA, and tried to navigate myself around the website. I sent Hunter dozens of questions. I sat there thinking that I will never be able to decide... never. I got on video chat with Molly and then Mark (who got into three AMAZING schools today... YAYYY) while cleaning my room up.
Tomorrow, I have plans to get some awesome paintings at decorations at Urban Outfitters and then go to dinner with my classiest love, Erik in Riviera Village. I also have plans to get that much closer to making my decision. I'm going up to Stanford on Thursday to tour the school for the first time.
This feeling is something I've never felt before - it's pure thrill and pure anxiety. UCLA is basically where I've wanted to go all of my life. I've been born and raised a Bruin. I grew up at Bruin Woods. I went to three camps and worked in the theater spaces. I gloated when we finally beat S.C. that one time in football. My parents met there. I've been wishing to go to UCLA for years now and I finally got into the school with a major and degree program in my passion-- then *pop* I MIRACULOUSLY get into the fourth best school in the nation (I'm still in shock) and everyone around me at school assumes it's the place I'll go. I know UCLA like no one's business, but I never took the time to get to know a school I had no chance of getting into, so I'm now rushing to understand and get to know this mystery Dream School that had never been put into the formula because of it's completely impossible status in my mind.
I'd have THE ideal college experience at both schools. I'd have impeccable opportunities. I'd get an amazing B.A. education from incredible universities. There is nothing I don't love about either. What am I going to do? Make pro/con lists? Yeah... I guess that could work. But there is still that pull between the best school on the west coast and the Bruin-bred spirit... and for every person, there's a different opinion.
OH, COLLEGE GODS!
WHY MUST THIS
HUGE DECISION
BE GIVEN TO
THE MOST INDECISIVE PERSON IN THE WORLD?
